Tag Archives: Self-Sabotage

EP 135: Stop Procrastinating and Self-Sabotaging with Angela

EP135 (1)

This call is about is about procrastination and self-sabotage. Today’s caller, Angela, believes she puts things off and sabotages herself but as you will hear in the call it is really about her feeling safe and her fear of being seen.

We don’t sabotage ourselves or procrastinate because we are weak or unmotivated. There is some payoff that keeps us safe.

No matter how much we want something in our present-day self and no matter how much we are committed to a mission, if some part of us thinks that accomplishing our mission is a threat to our survival, then our mission takes a back burner to the survival instinct that is keeping us safe.

Sometimes it’s the people who have felt different who make the biggest difference. If you felt different, alone, like you didn’t fit in or that you didn’t belong, consider it an important part of your journey to making a difference. The difference you make may be in a big way as a coach or a teacher or it may be in a more intimate way. You may be a different kind of parent, employee, or citizen. We all make differences in a unique and special way. Often, it is the struggles that made us feel different that prepare us to make the difference we are here to make.

Our higher wisdom will always call us toward people, pets, and opportunities that give us the opportunity to embody and express the qualities we don’t think we have but do have.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you a procrastinator? Do you put things off or try to perfect them and hold off on getting things out there?
  • Do you find yourself self-sabotaging? Do you take five steps forward but then four steps back?
  • Do you deal with anxiety? Especially when it comes to being seen.
  • Growing up did you feel different like you didn’t fit in and all you wanted to do was be normal?

Angela’s Question:

Angela wants to know how to move past her repeating patterns of procrastination and self-sabotage.

Angela’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels anxious about being seen.
  • She doesn’t believe in herself.
  • She is embarking on a career as a health coach.
  • She lost both parents at a young age.
  • She didn’t feel safe as a child.
  • She didn’t feel “normal.”
  • She felt ashamed of her family.
  • She is self-conscious.
  • Her inner child doesn’t feel safe.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She needs to make herself feel safe.
  • She needs to discover her inner mother.
  • She should become compassionate with herself.
  • She should learn to be present with herself.
  • She should sign up for an improv class.
  • She should write her parents an “I wish” letter.
  • She should redefine what being safe means to her.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • If you engage in procrastination and self-sabotaging behavior, look at the payoff you receive from it. When you find the payoff, you can figure out how to get the same payoff in a healthy, more updated way.
  • If you are afraid to be seen because you don’t feel safe, redefine safety. Make sure your definition of safety includes other people.
  • If you had parents you feel were physically, mentally, or emotionally disabled in any way, consider why your soul picked them to be your parents.
  • Do improv or something that gets you seen and out of your comfort zone.


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EP 113: Stop Sabotaging Your Wealth and Health and SHINE Your Light with Sara

EP113v2This episode is about shining your light and stepping into your full potential. Today’s caller, Sara, wants to break her pattern of self-sabotage, stop playing small and to live an abundant life.

We don’t just arrive at our full potential. We take steps to move into our full potential by not limiting ourselves, by sharing our gifts, by expressing ourselves authentically, and by going after what we truly want and not feeling any guilt or shame about it wanting it or having it. We fear success and are worried about what other people will think or feel, particularly leaving people behind, because we are growing at different rates. We doubt the goodness coming into our lives and we wait for the other shoe to drop. We end up sabotaging our health, wealth and relationships. But why?

Sara had a habit of creating intimacy through people needing her, through pleasing people or through having a problem or issue she could commiserate about. She would make herself small to create a bond or connection with someone else. I helped her realize what was the payoff of why she was scared to shine her light.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you currently, or has there been a time in the past, where things start going great and you sabotage it?
  • Are you afraid of shining your light because of what other people might think or you may leave people behind?
  • Do you long to feel connected to people so much that you engage in people pleasing or caretaking just because you want to feel like you matter and you want to be connected?
  • Are you willing to admit that you live in a scarcity mindset instead of an abundant mindset?

 Sara’s Question:

Sara would like to break her cycle of self-sabotage when it comes to her business and health.

 Sara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She fears she will be separate if she lets herself shine.
  • She may be addicted to suffering.
  • She is scared to disrupt the dynamic that creates intimacy.
  • She is afraid of how powerful she really is.
  • She grew up in a scarcity mindset.
  • She is trying to be in both scarcity and abundance.

 How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs a new picture of what success and health will look like for her.
  • She should shine brightly from her essence without comparing it to others.
  • She needs to shine so she can empower others to do the same.


  • If you are engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, determine what the payoff is. Write down a new way to get the same payoff. Reflect on any limited beliefs you may have inherited.
  • Think about people who are shining their light and how they inspire you. Get a new picture of what living into your new potential looks like.
  • Write down what your life would look like if you were shining brightly.


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EP 63: How to Beat Fear and Self-Sabotage with Jake

EP63v1Collectively we are all going through a rebalancing of masculine and feminine energies, not only in what it means to be a man or a woman, but what it means to be human. We are just moving into rebalancing this energy so masculine and feminine energies can be in flow together. While women struggle to find their place in the masculine energy, men struggle to fit into more feminine things, such as being vulnerable or pursuing more creative endeavors that may feel less manly. This is not a time to be discouraged. We are all longing for belonging and connection. This episode is about questioning the old paradigms and rules.

Today’s caller, Jake, thinks he is stuck, but from my point of view he is at a crossroads. Will he continue to let old programming and belief systems drive him, or will he make a commitment to move past the fear of old paradigms, and step into his full potential?

During the call, I didn’t want to take Jake down the road of investigating his past, because he had already spent too much time analyzing the past and worrying about the future. Jake said he had an easy-going upbringing without a lot of drama or trauma. Often, feeling that degree of comfort as a child makes it harder to take risks as an adult, because we don’t have enough experiential evidence to recover from failure, risks, and things that scare us.

We have to stop asking ourselves why, why, why. We don’t have to self-analyze ourselves to death. We need to be aware of the patterns and self-limiting beliefs, so we can shift them. We all need to step up into our full potential, and not allow outdated paradigms hold us back.

Men, it is ok to be vulnerable, to talk about your doubts, and to admit to confusion about who you are, and how to find your purpose.

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