This call is about being an empath, the type of people empaths attract, and about why empaths (or highly-sensitive people) attract narcissists. Today’s caller, Sara, is having trouble getting over her ex and would like guidance about whether her decision to break up with him was right for her and if she could consider going back. During our conversation, we discovered some qualities about him that make it a little easier for her to get over him.

This call is about being an empath, the type of people empaths attract, and about why empaths (or highly-sensitive people) attract narcissists. Today’s caller, Sara, is having trouble getting over her ex and would like guidance about whether her decision to break up with him was right for her and if she could consider going back. During our conversation, we discovered some qualities about him that make it a little easier for her to get over him.

So, how do you know if you are in a relationship with a narcissist? If you are constantly feeling like you are being manipulated; if you don’t get your needs met and if the conversation always turns back to them. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, don’t count on them changing. There is a plethora of information available for you to do your own research.

Many of you who have been in a relationship with a narcissist or are in one now may be thinking, “Why am I attracted to this person?” or, “Why am I in a relationship where my needs are not being met?” It is actually quite common for empaths and highly-intelligent people, especially women, to be drawn to a narcissist. One of the big reasons is because narcissists are incredibly self-confident and charming. Their self-confidence speaks to the part of us that feels a bit insecure.

Another reason empaths are drawn to narcissists is that they see potential. They see the person underneath the personality disorder and they fall in love with that. And, unlike empaths who feel everything, narcissists really don’t have much capacity for empathy. They are more focused on themselves than they are on being emotionally available for others. Highly-sensitive people, empaths, and rescuers need to be aware of this. You see the potential but may get blinded to the actual personality disorder.

Another reason intelligent, successful people are drawn to narcissists is because of their charisma. Narcissists present themselves in a way that makes them seem like they have it all together — like they are the best thing since sliced bread. It can be appealing and attractive. But after a while, you may realize you’ve been played. But usually, at that point, you are already hooked in.

In a lot of ways, empaths and narcissists go together because both have trouble with feelings. They are two extremes. Narcissists are totally disconnected from empathy and feeling and empaths often feel way too much.

Generally, when people are in relationships with a narcissist, their sense of self gets smaller, they get worn down and start to wonder who they really are. So, our job is to have boundaries, not take so much on, and to be ‘selfish.’

 

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you having trouble getting over an ex and doubting your choice about ending it?
  • Do you think or do you know you’ve been in or are in a relationship with a narcissist? If you are or have been, are you feeling shame or self-judgment about it?
  • Growing up, did you feel like kind of a weirdo or like you didn’t belong?
  • Are you an empath? Do you tend to take on other people’s feelings?

 

Sara’s Question:

Sara is wondering how to let go of an ex or if she should get back together with him.

 

Sara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She felt disrespected in the relationship.
  • Her partner said he supported her but made her feel guilty.
  • She felt disconnected when her partner numbed himself with drugs and alcohol.
  • She felt she wasn’t being listened to.
  • Her partner seemed to put on a facade.
  • Her partner was charismatic and charming.
  • She doubts her judgments.
  • She feels it was self-honoring for her to leave.
  • Her confidence and self-worth lowered during her relationship.
  • She didn’t feel her opinions were valued.
  • She struggles with loving and valuing herself.
  • She’s a perfectionist.
  • She feels she is socially awkward.
  • She had an eating disorder.
  • She is an empath.
  • She engages in negative self-talk.
  • She fears missing out on the love of her life.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to observe her own self-talk without judgment and change her thoughts.
  • She needs to find guided meditations for empaths.
  • She needs to be more intentional about protecting her energy.
  • She needs an outlet for her feelings by letting out her emotions.
  • She needs to make self-honoring choices.
  • She should do some research on narcissism.
  • She should cut off contact with her ex.

 

Takeaways:

  • If you are concerned that someone in your life is a narcissist, don’t freak out. Do some research and be curious about it. Ask yourself if you are in love with the person’s potential or if you are seeing the truth of the situation.
  • Drop the word weirdo or any other judgment words and replace them with empathetic, highly-sensitive, or creative.
  • Empaths, it is important for you to protect your energy. Be selfish and put your needs at the forefront.
  • Join my Personal Mastery Online Course.

 

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community.

To watch episodes of coaching sessions, go to Youtube.com/christinehassler

Christine’s Personal Mastery Course

Christine’s Signature Retreat

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Christine’s Books, including Expectation Hangover

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — To get on the waiting list for this show.

 

Tweetables:

Until an empath learns to use empathy as a gift it can feel like a curse. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet Men are less encouraged to show emotions so they develop defensive strategies to shut down their feelings. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet Breaking up with a narcissist is never easy. They would rather break up with you because it’s easier on their ego. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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