This episode is about getting over what you didn’t get from a parent (or parents). Today’s caller, Samantha, uses self-criticism to protect herself from her pain. She is still holding on to her childhood anger over not feeling loved and acknowledged by her father. We work through her responsibility to re-parent herself, free herself through spiritual practice, and look at her father with compassionate eyes.
Parents play a big role in our lives around what they did or didn’t do. They seed a lot of our belief systems and consequent behavior. That’s great if we felt unconditionally loved and were encouraged and had parents that made us feel safe and secure but that is not the case for everyone. If you had a parent who abandoned you, was overly critical, maybe cheated or had an addiction of some kind, and didn’t make you feel safe you can probably relate to having some intense challenges of your own as an adult.
If that is you, you have my compassion. If you want to have the life you truly desire rather than be a victim of your circumstances I want to support you in getting over it and on with it. And, by ‘it,’ I mean whatever hurt or blame you are still holding on to, regarding a parent.
There is no manual for living. Sometimes we just need to ask for help from our spiritual guide and then direct all of our energy towards the life we truly desire. There will be times when we get frustrated and angry towards ourselves and other people. It’s ok, it happens. We are all human, right?
Well, even our parents are human. Many of us have trouble accepting our parents as individuals outside of the role they play in our lives. We put our expectations on them to try to fill the safety and security voids we perceived when we were separated from God during birth.
We often long for a love our parents are unable to give us. We need to recognize that just because they are older it doesn’t mean their ability to love has changed. They love us in the best way they know how.
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Samantha wants to know how to stop being hard on other people. She finds herself feeling and doing things she isn’t comfortable with, but she doesn’t understand why.
Samantha’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
- She feels she needs to protect herself.
- She is angry and may be bypassing her spirit.
- She’s projecting expectations on her Father he cannot live up to.
- The same pattern keeps showing up in her life.
- She is worthy of her father’s love.
How to get over it and on with it:
- Samantha should give herself permission to be her.
- She can realize coaching people isn’t about saving them.
- She shouldn’t be lazy when it comes to her spiritual practice.
- She should put her energy into the direction she wants to head towards.
Tools and Takeaways:
- What are you still hoping for from your parent?
- How can you see your parents through eyes of compassion? What is their human story?
- Write a letter to your parents letting them off the hook. Don’t send it, but use it as a way to let the issue go.
- What are ways you can parent yourself to give yourself what you need?
- Start your spiritual practice now. Ask for help and it will come
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Tweetables:“Decide how you want to reparent yourself so you can stop searching for love outside of yourself.” Click To Tweet “Compassion is not about fixing or healing your suffering, it’s about being with your suffering.” Click To Tweet “We project expectations on people who gave birth to us that they are supposed to be a certain way and many times they just can’t.” Click To Tweet