This episode is about releasing someone who is only supposed to be in your life for a season. Today’s caller, Onalee, has a pattern of going for emotionally unavailable men. If you have a pattern of going for emotionally unavailable people, it could be in friendships or romantic relationships or you could still be chasing the love of a parent who has always been emotionally unavailable. This episode provides you with guidance on how to shift out of behavioral patterns you may have had since childhood.

As children, we will tolerate a lot from our parents to get love. We idolize them. And then the behavior shows up in our adult life when we tolerate crappy behavior from people because it feels familiar. Which is why it is important to become aware of our childhood patterns and how they impact us.

If a person is taking up energetic real estate in your mind, it may be a distraction from dealing with the stuff we need to deal with. And, it is more difficult to shift something until we walk away from it.

For my heterosexual lady listeners, if you already have feelings for a man, sex with him will intensify your feelings. I don’t believe it’s possible to sleep with someone you have feelings for and not have the sex make you have deeper feelings. Is it possible just to have sex with someone and it be just sex? Yes. However, when there are feelings present your brain secretes bonding hormones so you will develop stronger feelings. To be intimate with someone, or have sex with them, and not have emotional feelings there needs to be a dealbreaker in place where you know you are not interested in the person. But honestly, it rarely happens. So, be careful and mindful of who you are intimate with because feelings usually do develop.

Another word of caution is to be cautious of psychics. I love intuitives. I love mediums. I believe some people are deeply gifted and have incredibly intuitive tools and skills to share. But we always need to come back to our own inner authority. You are your own best psychic. Don’t give your power away and let what someone else tells you impact your decisions. We also don’t know what level the psychic is reading from. I’ve had beautiful experiences with people who call themselves psychics or intuitives and I’ve had not-so-beautiful experiences also. Remember, the person who will always know best for you is your own inner wisdom.

The twin flame word or concept can mean different things. It doesn’t mean we are supposed to be with our twin flame for our life. Soulmates or twin flames can be people who come into our lives for a season and a reason. They may teach us an incredible thing. They may help us grow and evolve and clear some major karma but don’t think just because someone is a twin flame or soulmate that you have to be in a relationship with them.

Remember, it is never too late to heal and shift patterns.

To release self-protective behaviors, heal past pain, and reclaim your confidence, peace, power, and purpose, attend my Spring Retreat in San Diego, March 6th–8th. The early bird discount of $500 expires on November 30th. Go to or email

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you have a pattern of dating or being attracted to emotionally unavailable people?
  • Was your childhood relatively nontraumatic and you have a hard time seeing how it could be causing present-day unhealthy patterns?
  • Have you been told things by a psychic or intuitive and you can’t seem to let it go?
  • Is it hard for you to cut ties with someone who you know is not healthy for you?


Onalee’s Question:

Onalee wants to know if she should break the cycle of dating emotionally unavailable men even though psychics have reinforced the idea.


Onalee’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She has gotten relationship information from psychics.
  • She has been in an on-and-off relationship with a guy for years.
  • She has had a lot of short-term relationships.
  • She’s done work around her relationship with her father.
  • She has been protecting herself from heartbreak.
  • She doesn’t want to live in the same patterns, moving forward.
  • She has other guys asking her out but she is fixated on one she feels doesn’t want her.
  • She wants a relationship.
  • She wants to attend my Spring Retreat.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to stop contact with her love interest and not to date at all.
  • She should attend the Spring Retreat.
  • She needs to nourish herself spiritually and continue her personal development work.
  • She needs to be okay with being single.
  • She needs to trust that future relationships will come.



  • Think about who is taking up too much energetic real estate in your life. Who do you need to cut ties with so you can work on you?
  • What did you tolerate as a child and how do you tolerate the same thing as an adult? Where do you need to stand up for your little boy or girl inside of you and not tolerate crappy behavior?
  • If you relate to having a father wound how is that showing up in your life? Do you have the invisibility cloak on and men aren’t there at all or do you get asked out a lot by men you are not interested in?
  • If you want to speed up your process of healing and growth attend my Spring Retreat.



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Life events don’t have to be traumatic to cause patterns. Click To Tweet Sometimes twin flame relationships aren’t the loves of our lives but they are the relationships that trigger us the most to grow. Click To Tweet It's never too late to heal and shift patterns. Click To Tweet