EP 438: Stop the Pattern of Either/Or Thinking with Rebecca

This coaching call is about believing you can have what you want. Today’s caller, Rebecca, grew up wondering if her mother’s love was conditional. She asks for guidance on how to believe she can get what she wants without her life always being one way or the other. This episode will resonate with you if you fear being disappointed and believe you are limited in what you can have in your life.

It is important that we challenge our thinking and realize when we are in either/or, then eliminate it. There are often many more options than we think there are. A lot of it comes from growing up in fear-based environments. When we grow up when there is dysregulation, very little reassurance, or when adults are not leading the family, and inconsistent messaging, there is a desire for certainty and we have a limited view of our possibilities. It also happens when we grow up in a strict household, or highly intellectual household where there isn’t a lot of room for creativity and imagination.

Do you engage in either/or thinking? Do you settle for something because you don’t believe you can have what you want?

When we believe we can have what we want and we settle into those places, we don’t have the fears that come with the limiting belief that we don’t deserve it or are not capable of it in some way.

We don’t need to be afraid of disappointment. Regret is way worse than risk. When we play it safe and we settle, we end up with regret.

Journey to Joy is a free three-day inner child workshop with Christine and Stefanos on February 6th ‒ 8th, 2024. Send an email to jill@christinehassler.com to get more information or go to ChristineHassler.com/joy to sign up.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Were you parentified as a child?
  • Were there mixed messages in your home? Maybe, you felt loved but if you made a mistake, you doubted the love.
  • Do you believe you can have what you want?
  • Do you fear disappointment that you end up settling for things?

Rebecca’s Question:

Rebecca is bouncing between states of being when making life decisions.

Rebecca’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is in survival mode when trying to make decisions.
  • She feels low when she finally makes a decision.
  • She is an emotionally sensitive person.
  • She had to make sure her mother was doing well.
  • Her mother was inconsistent about giving her love.
  • She is in a relationship with someone who isn’t clear about how he feels about her.
  • She doesn’t believe she can get what she wants.
  • She dreads sharing her joy with her family.
  • She has unprocessed anger and guilt.
  • She wants to punish her family.
  • She doesn’t fully apply herself to any one thing.
  • She puts herself last.
  • She tries to avoid disappointment.
  • She believes she is unlovable.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Take action while believing she can have everything she wants.
  • Check in with herself several times a day to see what she wants.
  • Being disappointed is okay.
  • Challenge her either/or thinking.
  • Join the Inner Child Journey to Joy workshop.


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When we process our anger and get to true forgiveness we don’t need to punish those who hurt us. Click To Tweet A healthy parent wants nothing more than their child to be happy and live in their purpose and passion. Click To Tweet We don’t have to be afraid of disappointment. Click To Tweet

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