Coaches Corner: Reair: EP 45: Stop Living a Checklist Life with Frankie 

Today’s caller, Frankie is in the midst of her quarter-life crisis. Her life is not going according to her checklist and she is dealing with some Expectation Hangovers. She has defined herself by external things and she’s a bit addicted to control and validation.

Control is something we all struggle with. We think we have 100% control over life, but we don’t. We do have choices and dominion but we don’t have total control. Our egos like to have certainty and to have a plan, which is rooted in fear. It is scary not to know what is coming next. If we try to control every aspect of our lives, we often miss out on all the beautiful opportunities the universe has for us.

Sometimes the opportunities come in the form of challenges, which are not to punish or test us but to help us grow. During these times it is important that we do not go into victim mode. It is also important that when we go through uncertainty we don’t try to immediately fill up that space with something new.

Sometimes we just have to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty to see what it is there for to teach us. If we don’t deal with our Expectation Hangovers they will keep repeating and the same types of disappointments will keep coming up.

It’s OK if you don’t have it all figured out. A quarter-life crisis is normal. It is the time when many of us step into our personal life journey. Challenges are what build our grit and character.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you having a quarter-life crisis or an Expectation Hangover? Are things not going according to plan?
  • Do you relate to living off a checklist? If things don’t get checked off are you hard on yourself?
  • Is external achievement and validation important to you?
  • Are there things you say you are surrendered about but you’re not? Are you still trying to make things happen or have you just resigned?

Frankie’s Question:

Frankie would like to know how to move into a place of acceptance about where she is in her life.

Frankie’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She has a should list and a checklist in her head
  • She has a deep strength within her
  • Her identity comes from what she can achieve
  • She is hard on herself more than she is compassionate
  • Love for her is connected to validation and praise

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should consider who she would be at 49 if her life had no struggles
  • She can pray without asking for something
  • Her self-talk needs to move towards love and acceptance
  • She can delve deeper in her spiritual practice
  • She should update her story about who she is supposed to be

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Listen to my story in my very first Over It and On With It
  • Process your emotions through release writing and the temper tantrum technique in Expectation Hangover.
  • Do not pray for things but pray to be shown the way.
  • Be nice to yourself.
  • Ditch your checklist.


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When we don’t deal with our inside stuff it can leak out onto others. https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
You need to matter to yourself as much as other people matter to you. https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
Life challenges are what help to build our character and give us grit. https://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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