Tag Archives: self-care

EP 127: Stop Saving Others and Start Loving Yourself with Alice

EP127v2 (1)

This call is about being a people pleaser in an effort to connect with other people. Today’s caller, Alice, lives in the Savior archetype. She identifies with doing for others and taking care of others. People in the Savior archetype often end up sacrificing themselves and their time in “service” to others. But, is it really service when we are not making choices that support our own self-care?

Being a people pleaser empties our cup and gets in the way of our being able to serve at our highest potential. You do not need to attract love through people feeling bad for you and you don’t need a sob story to connect or to be valuable.

Making self-honoring choices is not selfish! You are not here to save anyone else. Life is all about connecting to and nourishing your own soul. Accept who you are, where you are and your path. Honor your soul’s path. Don’t let your past become your future.

I am in Australia until the end of February. If any of you Aussies would like a one-hour, four-hour or all day session with me contact Jill@ChristineHassler.com.

And, I have a new Coaches Corner episode with Marie Forleo to listen to about how to make an impact in the world by doing what you love.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you still carrying around your childhood trauma or your parent’s pain, fears, or belief systems?
  • Do you want to feel more connected and have better relationships in your life?
  • What is your relationship with trust like? Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?
  • Do you like to take care of others so much so much so that you are better at it than you are of taking care of yourself?

Alice’s Question:

Alice wants to know how to move past her past traumas to have better relationships.

Alice’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She has a problem trusting other people, including friends.
  • She doesn’t share all of herself with other people.
  • She feels judged by her mother.
  • She is hard on herself.
  • She is working with a therapist.
  • She sees herself as damaged.
  • She comes from a pure place.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She shouldn’t internalize her mother’s judgments and fears.
  • She should stop thinking about herself as damaged and know she deserves love and connection.
  • She should research the Savior archetype.
  • She should get in touch with her own body.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Be honest about who you are trying to save. It’s time to bring the focus back to yourself.
  • Break generational patterns without any attachment to changing, teaching, or helping your parents.
  • Consider the Savior archetype. If it resonates with you look at you are trying to save yourself and/or get love through saving others.
  • Tell yourself things about yourself that are amazing. Own who you are and what we love about ourselves and tell others; it’s not bragging.


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When we are disconnected from ourselves and judge ourselves harshly, it’s hard to build… Click To Tweet

When we heal ourselves, it can affect our past and future generational patterns.… Click To Tweet

Reverse the Golden Rule and do onto yourself what you would do to others.… Click To Tweet


Is it hard to make time for yourself?

There is just so much to do, right?!

Between getting to work, taking care of your family, spending time with friends, getting to the gym, grocery shopping, paying bills, cleaning the house, and email – there is always email.

Whew! I’m tired just thinking about all the stuff we all to do. No wonder so many of us feel depleted and stressed out.  There is not time for meditation, journaling, or self-reflection with our endless to-do lists and obligations.

But do we really not have the time? Or is it more true to say we do not make the time?

We all have the same number of hours in a day and it is our responsibility to use them wisely. If we consistently put ourselves on the back burner and are easily distracted by our to-do list, eventually the lack of self-care catches up with us.

Why is carving out time for ourselves so challenging?

You may think it is because you are busy, but perhaps there is actually another reason.  Consider that the reason you are not making time for self-care is because being with yourself is uncomfortable. Busy-ness is often a distraction from feeling feelings we want to avoid.

This is exactly what was uncovered in my coaching session with Joanne who is a busy mom who could not figure out why she was not making time to nurture herself. She knew self-care was important and wanted to do it; yet each time she attempted it, she found herself distracted by a to-do item.

>>>Go here to listen<<<

If you are a parent this is a MUST listen and even if you are not, you will gleam powerful insights.

And some BIG NEWS: we figured out a way to get all previous episodes of Over it and On With It up on iTunes!! So those of you who are newer listeners can go and binge listen.  Just go here.

Sending you tons of love and a reminder that making self-care a #1 priority is actually the most giving thing you can do.  The better you are to you, the better you will be to others.

And I always appreciate it when you share the podcast episodes.  Here is a tweet for you:  I loved this episode! So much great info on how to make self-care a priority! ((Tweet this!))


p.s. My next retreat is in Austin Memorial Day weekend and open to women and men!!! I am co-facilitating with my soul brother Aubrey Marcus a three-day event called: Love, Practice Makes the Master.  We will be exploring self-love, romantic love, and love of purpose and community.

Aubrey and I will be bringing a beautiful mix of masculine and feminine energy so EVERYONE feels seen, heard and loved.  We will provide a super juicy experience rich with inspiration and transformation.

Included in the retreat: coaching on love and relationship challenges, breath work and guided meditation, onsite yoga, experiential processes to open your heart, guided processes to help you identify and step into your purpose, all while connecting to a tribe of like-minded people.

This is a super intimate event and is selling out FAST. Go here to grab your spot!!

Why You Neglect Your Own Self-Care with Joanne

EP86v1This episode is about becoming a loving parent to ourselves. My coaching session with Joanne is a beautiful example of how important it is to give ourselves the love or attention we did not receive from our parents. Even if you had super loving and attentive parents, you should still be giving yourself the same kind of love.

A lot of people believe they can heal the wounds from their own childhood by being a different kind of parent than they had. And while breaking generational patterns is incredibly valuable, it is only 50% of how we heal. We must mother or father ourselves with the same unconditional love and attention we give our children.

Two things often come up as blocks when we attempt to take quiet time for ourselves. One, the guilt or expectation that we should be doing other things that are “more productive.” Two, feelings we may not want to deal with can surface when we take quiet, meditative time.

People who have children sometimes say, “My children are my teachers.” When you have children it is common for things from your childhood to be triggered. Suppressed or forgotten memories start to come forward. It is important for parents to acknowledge there may be something for them to learn from it.

Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe.

My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • What kind of parent are you to yourself? Would you talk to or treat a child the way you talk to or treat yourself?
  • How did you feel loved and nurtured by your parents? Are you giving the love and nurturing to yourself?
  • How did you not feel loved and nurtured? How can you start giving that to yourself?
  • When it comes to self-care and making time for yourself, do you find other ‘to-dos’ take priority?

Joanne’s Question:

Joanne finds it challenging to provide herself self-care on a routine basis. She continually gives other things priority over her self-care.

Joanne’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She’s aware of how important self-care is.
  • She feels mom guilt when she is not spending time with her baby.
  • She is mirroring a pattern her mom had when she was growing up.
  • She wanted love, attention and acceptance from her mother.
  • She broke generational patterns.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to mother herself in a way she wasn’t mothered as a child.
  • She needs to acknowledge herself for the mother she is.
  • She should talk to baby Joanne and be with her in a mothering way.


  • Make ‘you time’ a priority, and leave a space open for your feelings to come forward. Suppressing your feelings through distraction will eventually wear out.
  • Give yourself the love you crave from your parents, or that you got from your parents.
  • If there are issues from your parents to be addressed, write them a forgiveness letter and let them off the hook.
  • Have a conversation with your younger self, and tell them anything you yearned to hear from mom or dad but didn’t.


Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
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Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat
University of Santa Monica


What’s blocking you from your self-nurturing practices? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet Mothers never feel as if they are doing enough for their child or their family. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet When you have children it is natural for your own parent issues to be triggered. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet


Why you’re not doing the things that are good for you

A common question I receive is: “How do I keep up self-care practices like meditation, eating well, exercising, journaling, and so on?”

Well the most simplistic and accurate answer is: “just do it.” But I realize that is also a frustrating answer because just doing it isn’t always so easy – and there is a reason for that! In this week’s episode of Over It and On With It, I offer insight and ideas that will shift your experience with making self-care a habit.

If you intellectually know what to do in terms of self-care; however, you just are not doing it than you will relate to Helen, who I coach on the show. She is wondering why she isn’t doing things that she knows are good for her. She will go through spurts but then life gets busy and she goes back to old coping mechanisms. Sound familiar?

Consistent and quality self-care is harder than ever before because we are all sooooo busy and there are endless distractions. All you need is one glimpse at Facebook or Snapchat and all of a sudden an hour is gone.

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