Tag Archives: truth

What you think will hurt someone may help them more

Are you in a relationship that you know is not what you truly want but are afraid to leave because you do not want to hurt the other person? Is there a friendship that has long passed its expiration date but you continue to stay in it because you do not want to hurt someone’s feelings?

Is someone you love, perhaps even your child, struggling with something and you keep saving them or taking care of their issues because you can’t bear to see them in pain?

Are you withholding the truth from someone or not setting necessary boundaries because you do not want them to get upset?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions I ask you to consider that you are really NOT helping the other person and contemplate the idea that in fact what you think will hurt him or her may actually help them more.

A story will help this really sink in . . .

In my early twenties I was engaged to who I believed was the love of my life. Six months before our wedding, he broke off our engagement and moved out of our apartment. I was absolutely devastated. I felt rejected, ashamed, scared and heart-broken. It hurt so badly that some days I did not want to get out of bed.

I received a lot of sympathy and “how could he do that?” comments, yet, I am certain it was not an easy choice for him either. The truth is though that he had to listen to his heart and honor the fact that something did not feel right.

At the time my perspective was that he made a choice that hurt me, but that is actually not the case. Sure, it hurt at the time, but his choice to break off the engagement was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

That expectation hangover inspired me to take a deeper look at myself and own the ways I showed up in a relationship. I looked at how my own unhappiness with myself affected my partner. I dove into my own personal development and worked with my coach because I realized that if I was not happy with myself, then how would anyone else be happy with me?!?!

My career and mission today is a direct result of that breakup and the healing it catalyzed. I would not be living this amazing life that I love had my ex-fiancé not had the courage to end our engagement.

I understand that breaking up with someone, or ending a friendship, or being honest, or stepping back and letting someone you love figure their own way through a difficult situation is not easy. I really get that it can seem cruel. However, what is crueler is not making choices from truth and love. In the long run staying in any relationship that you are not 100% committed to is not fair to either one of you. Withholding honesty in close relationships will make them distant and cause resentment over time and rescuing someone repeatedly impedes their ability to learn self-reliance and resilience.

This is the topic I coach Sandie on during this week’s episode of the podcast. She is in a relationship she knows is not healthy but has been scared to leave because she does not want to hurt her partner.

Go here to listen to episode 143

Being the catalyst for someone else’s expectation hangover, like my ex-fiancé was for me, offers them a wake up call. You could help them MORE by being the reason they work on themselves and ultimately make their own life better. Of course this is not a guarantee, as some people stay in a victim story and remain under gray skies. But all of us have a choice in terms of how we respond to someone else’s behavior and choices.

Please do not sacrifice your own well-being and growth because you are putting someone else’s feelings before your truth. Communicate with love, kindness, compassion and respect. Just because the truth is not necessarily what someone else wants to hear, does not make it mean. The truth is the truth. Have the courage to honor your truth and give others the dignity of their own process.

Love,

Christine

P.S. Have you been wanting to take your coaching business to the next level? Then make sure to register for my Masterclass Training for Coaches, June 30th and July 1st in San Diego, CA. Go here for more details and to register.

P.P.S. I am excited to share that I will be in London and hosting a one day transformation retreat on July 21st. You are invited to join me to work on releasing emotions and situations that are holding you back. Learn tools that create lasting change and give you peace of mind. Connect with other like-minded amazing people. And receive tons of love, guidance, and coaching from me. Go here for more details and to register.

EP 143: Step Off the Codependent Path and Break Generational Patterns with Sandie

 

TEP143his call is about struggling with a decision and breaking free of unhealthy patterns. Today’s caller, Sandie, knows what she should do but needs validation that the choice is the right one for her. My coaching to her covers codependency, overcoming addictions and breaking generational patterns.

Until we heal what has hurt us in our childhoods we look for people who remind us of the parent that hurt us the most. We keep going to the same well, with a different face, hoping that finally there will be water in it instead of healing our core issues, loving ourselves and breaking the pattern.

And, sometimes when a child grows up with a single parent the child grows up more quickly and becomes a kind of surrogate spouse to the single parent. Then, part of the child’s identity is to be in a relationship as a caretaker which can lead to codependency.

A lot of us struggle with accepting the good things that come to us. The universe opens a door but walking through it means leaving something or someone else behind.

When you are delivering the truth with love, if the receiving person gets upset, it is their responsibility. Oftentimes, the most loving choice is the honest choice. Loving someone doesn’t mean placating them. Loving someone doesn’t mean staying in a situation that is not good for you because you don’t want to hurt the other person. Often, the decisions that hurt people the most truly help them the most.

Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in San Diego June 30 & July 1st to fast-track the success of your health or life coaching business. There are only 9 spaces left. If you have a service-based business, visit Christine’s Master Class for more information or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up.

I am conducting a one-day workshop for men and women in London on July 21st. Visit Christine Hassler in London or Jill@ChristineHassler.com for more information.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you at a crossroads? Are there decisions you are struggling with?
  • Do you not want to repeat the lives of your parents but you see yourself going down a similar path?
  • Can you identify with being a little codependent? Where you enmeshed with one of your parents?
  • Was one of your parents an addict?
  • Are you currently in a relationship with an addict?

Sandie’s Question:

Sandie feels that she is at a crossroads in her life and would like to know if she should follow a job opportunity.

Sandie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is in a relationship with an older man who is an addict.
  • Her father is a severe alcoholic.
  • She never felt loved by her father.
  • She has an offer for a new job.
  • She doesn’t want to follow in her mother’s footsteps.
  • She feels responsible for other people’s feelings.
  • She’s codependent.
  • She always wanted her dad to change.
  • She knew the right thing for her all along.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should say yes to the opportunity to get out of her current situation.
  • She should go to Al-Anon.
  • She needs to get a counselor.
  • She should take a break from dating for one year.
  • She needs to write out what her life will look like if she continues down her current path.

Assignments For You:

  • If you have been or are currently in a relationship with an addict I recommend Al-Anon.
  • If you are coming out of a relationship I encourage you not to date for a while. Get to know yourself.
  • If you have a big decision don’t wait until you feel ready.
  • If you are scared about something imagine a worst-case future scenario.
  • If you are at a crossroads and you don’t know what to do, seek the advice of a professional.
  • If someone in your life says they will change but never do, it might be time for you to make some changes.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine’s Movement and Alignment Blog Post

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Christine’s Books

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For those interested in being on the show

How to Protect Your Energy Vlog & Blog Post

Tweetables:

Often, the decisions we think hurt people the most are the ones that help them the most.… Click To Tweet

Until we heal what hurt us in our childhoods, we search out people who remind us of the parent,… Click To Tweet Getting sober and overcoming addiction is a spiritual path. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

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EP 140: Overcoming the Fear of Loss with Tom

EP140

This call is about is about stepping into the truth of who you are. Today’s caller, Tom, is juggling many things in his life and wants to know how to balance his relationship with his family with his obligations. But as in many of my coaching sessions, we focus on a core wound from his past that is having a big impact on all aspects of his life.

Don’t minimize the important moments in your life so much that you never process them. It can continue to impact you for the rest of your life. But don’t put too much emphasis on them so they become an excuse.

A lot of people use events from their past as an excuse for not getting what they want from life. Your past doesn’t need to determine your future. You don’t need to continue to tell the story that happened to you when you were a child. Acknowledge significant past events, heal them, re-frame them, and create new belief systems around them.

We have to move out of fear and back into love because if we are showing up more in fear than in love, it is impacting our relationships, our careers, and our health.

It’s important to listen to our fears, anxieties, and our worries because they are alarms alerting us that we have forgotten something really important. Instead of trying to silence these uncomfortable feelings use them as your personal alarm system.

I have one personal coaching spot available this year. If you would like me as your personal coach email Jill@ChristineHassler.com for more information.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are there areas in your life that are not the way you want them to be?
  • Are you a sensitive person? Do you take things personally?
  • Are you a creative person? Do you express your creativity?
  • Do you suffer from anxiety?
  • Do you have a fear of loss?
  • Men, how do you feel about being a man? Do you feel connected to your masculine energy? 

Tom’s Question:

Tom would like to know how to improve his relationships with his family, get out of debt and prepare for a career shift.

Tom’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • He has a lot of obligations.
  • He is passionate about music and his family.
  • He feels anxious and a fear of loss.
  • He lost an important friendship as a child.
  • He believes he is undeserving.
  • He made judgments about what it means for him to be a man.
  • He may be missing a connection to his masculinity.
  • He is searching for security and stability.
  • He keeps himself busy to distract him from his anxiety. 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • He should start tapping into his masculine energy.
  • He should put some serious intention into breaking out of loner tendencies and start doing work with the Mankind Project.
  • He may want to look into a martial arts program.
  • He should write a letter to his younger self and tell him he is deserving and enough.

Assignments For You:

  • If you deal with anxiety, look at it like an alarm system. What is it alerting you to?
  • If you have trouble with focus and direction try martial arts.
  • If you are a sensitive person, stop taking things so personally.
  • Find your tribe. Embrace who you are and know you are good enough.
  • Listen to my Coaches Corner episode with Lori Harder.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine’s Movement and Alignment Blog Post

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For those interested in being on the show

Mankind Project

Tweetables:

Are you doing a lot but not achieving the results that match your efforts?… Click To Tweet Our belief system creates our reality. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet Consider how your anxiety may be a helpful alarm system you need to pay attention to.… Click To Tweet

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EP 130: Heal Daddy Issues and Create Authentic Relationships with Marie

EP130

This call is about speaking your truth and being authentic in dating. Today’s caller, Marie, calls in wanting to know how to break off a bad relationship but it turns out she needs to heal old wounds from her relationship with her father.

If you are asking yourself, how do I stop dating the same person with a different face? You should know that when we are born we know we are connected to a higher power and we know that we are unconditionally loved. Then, our conscious mind takes over and we lose a bit of our antenna and we project ‘God,’ or the source of unconditional love, on to our parents. If they don’t or are unable to give us unconditional love, we search for it through our relationships.

If you have been yearning for love and feel unlovable your story will create your reality. Emotional availability is not just about vulnerability, it is about honesty and speaking your truth.

Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me June 29th and 30th in San Diego for a workshop designed to assist both experienced and new coaches to take their coaching business to the next level. Email Jill@ChristineHassler for more information.

If you are a man who listens to this show, I have partnered with the host of the Man Cave, Preston Smiles. The Man Cave is a virtual, conscious-man brotherhood that explores, excels and elevates all aspects of a man’s life.  For $150 off visit PrestonSmiles.com/Mancave and type in ‘ChristineCAVE150′ for the special offer.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you keep dating the same person with a different face?
  • Are you pretending in any of your relationships? Are you a chameleon? Are you being more strategic than authentic?
  • Do you doubt your ability to be loved?
  • Are you hoping someday a parent will show up differently for you than they have in the past?
  • Do you have the relationships you crave or do you have relationships you hope one day will turn into what you want?

Marie’s Question:

Marie has become obsessed with a relationship she knows she should end and wants to know how to get over it and on with it.

Marie’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She has experienced a lot of heartache.
  • She believes men just leave relationships.
  • She doesn’t have a close relationship with her father.
  • She has issue-based relationships.
  • She is looking for emotional relief from her dad.
  • She continues to chase emotional intimacy.
  • She’s emotionally unavailable.
  • She doesn’t let people see the real Marie.
  • She has yearned for male attention her entire life.

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should write a letter and speak her truth to her father.
  • She should start having an authentic, emotionally honest relationship with her father.
  • She should break her patterns of pretending in relationships.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Take an inventory of your relationships. Where are you being strategic versus authentic?
  • Start to have honest, vulnerable communication with the people in your life.
  • If you are obsessing about someone, consider what lesson your discomfort is leading you toward.
  • When it comes to change, healing, and making your dreams come true, don’t just be helpful — be committed.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — For men interested in being on the show

Tweetables:

When you find yourself obsessing it is just a distraction to keep you from healing what needs… Click To Tweet

When a man energetically feels the expectation that he will disappoint a woman he either runs… Click To Tweet

Do you speak honestly to your parents about how you authentically feel? http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

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