Tag Archives: fear

EP 136: Get Out of Your Head and Listen to Your Heart with Emma


This call is about is about getting out of your head and listening to your heart, especially after an Expectation Hangover like a divorce. This call with Emma is a great example of the struggles of someone who is stuck in their head and emotionally stressed. Her question is about gaining clarity and her next steps but she can’t get clarity as long as she stays suppressed.

It takes a lot of strength to stuff away our feelings but if we really want to hear our heart we have to be willing to be vulnerable. All of us have things from our past that were challenging and some even traumatizing. A huge part of getting on with the life we truly want is to get over the life we’ve had so far. We don’t do that by sweeping the past under the rug like Emma is attempting to do.

Why does suppressing emotions and sweeping our past under the rug create confusion? First, it takes a lot of energy to avoid your feelings. It makes it hard to relax and to listen to the voice of your intuition. Clarity, guidance, and insight come during quiet and relaxed states. If you are using energy suppressing or distracting yourself from feeling, or keeping busy and staying in your head, it’s difficult to hear your inner wisdom. Second, your higher self or soul wants you to wake up. It wants you to heal and feel. Often, the clarity on your next steps won’t be revealed until you heal.

If you relate to this call you need to let go of the belief that you can’t access your heart. Give yourself permission to make more heart-based choices. Stop telling yourself you can’t hear your heart or your intuition. If you keep telling yourself that you will keep believing it.

Also, if you can relate to putting walls around yourself to protect yourself know that it is also keeping love and connection out. Make it safe for yourself to start taking those walls down and become connected to your heart.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you confused, seeking clarity about something?
  • Do you feel blah — perhaps even depressed?
  • When difficult things happen, do you try to be strong and get over it?
  • Do you make decisions more with your head than with your heart?
  • How are you with your feelings? Do you actually feel them or do you rationalize them, get over them and hope they go away?

Emma’s Question:

Emma wants guidance about her next steps after a divorce.

Emma’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She split with her husband because they had different goals.
  • She made the decision not to have children.
  • She suppresses her feelings.
  • She makes decisions based on her head, not her heart.
  • She felt lonely as a child.
  • She’s not sure she knows what love is.
  • She feels that crying is bad.
  • She fears intimacy. 

How to get over it and on with it:

  • It’s time for her to make heart-based choices.
  • She should get Expectation Hangover and work through the emotional section.
  • She should work with a professional counselor.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Check out Equine Therapy.
  • Get out of your head and stop trying to figure things out!
  • Acknowledge if you are a suppressor. Consider getting a coach and getting a guide or a counselor.
  • Start journaling every day or talking to other people about your feelings. Get involved in something that helps you shift your energy.
  • Give yourself permission to take a vacation from trying to figure things out.


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Part of the reason we stay in our heads and keep ourselves busy is that we have a lot of… Click To Tweet The opposite of love isn’t hate — it’s indifference and apathy. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet If you can relate to putting walls around yourself to protect yourself know that it is also… Click To Tweet




Coaches Corner: A chat and guided meditation to help you with change and uncertainty

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As Christine navigates her way through a massive Expectation Hangover, she shares with you tips for dealing with unwanted change in a way that decreases suffering and increases faith. Listen in for some advice and also a guided meditation that will support you in becoming more present and full of peace.

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EP 108: Trusting Your Intuition in Love & Relationships with Sandra


This episode is about listening to your intuition and getting clear about what you want from a relationship. Today’s caller, Sandra, realizes she may want to continue her current relationship due to familiarity or comfort and not because it is truly what she wants from a relationship.

Be mindful of what you are scared of and what you are making your number one fear. Sandra’s fear of losing herself should have been the fear she is paying attention to.

What legitimate fears should you pay more attention to? For example, the fear of losing someone you may be doubting the relationship with or the fear of spending additional years in an unsatisfying relationship? The fear of leaving your job and having less money for a while and dealing with uncertainty or the fear of spending the rest of your life in a career you hate?

Fear can serve us in some way. It can light a fire in us to make necessary changes and when we take action we don’t need the fear. But if you are tapped into the wrong fear you start doubting yourself.

Sandra’s soul wants to know who she is, independent of who she is in a relationship. Will she make the choice that serves the highest good?

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there something in your life you are uncertain about?
  • Do you feel guilty about something you have done in a relationship?
  • Would you love for someone you are in a relationship with to change?
  • Are you struggling with a decision but deep down you know what to do?

Sandra’s Question:

Sandra would like some clarity around her current relationship.

Sandra’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She’s afraid of losing herself in her relationship.
  • She hasn’t had any time alone in her adult life.
  • She’s not sure the relationship is healthy.
  • She felt responsible for fixing the relationship.
  • She may be asking for permission to make a decision.
  • She may be playing her father’s role in an effort to get closer to him.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should take three months to do some soul-searching.
  • She should write down the reality of what the relationship was.
  • She should make some self-honoring choices.


  • Get clear on which fear you need to be paying attention to.
  • Look at the parent you are most like or becoming.
  • Where do you need some space in your life?
  • Use prayer or meditation to find out what is the highest good for all involved.
  • Join my No Regrets master class.


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EP 101: How Do I Take Action When I Have Anxiety and Fear? With Suzanne


This episode is about taking action when faced with fear and anxiety. I coach today’s caller, Suzanne, through her pattern of catastrophic thinking, worry, and anxiety, to allow her to respond differently to her fear-based thoughts. If you can relate to feeling like fear and anxiety stops you, or if you are a bit of a worrywart, you will receive a lot of value out of this coaching session.

Worry is using our mind to come up with and visualize worst case scenarios, instead of using the power of our mind to visualize what we truly want to occur.

On some level, we think it’s protecting us or keeping us safe. But all it’s doing is creating more anxiety.

When we feel fear, it’s important that we first be with the part of us that feels scared and anxious. When we get scared as adults, we need to learn how to respond to it in a way that feels reassuring. A big part of this can be addressed by self-soothing. Most of the ways we attempt to soothe ourselves are not about soothing at all. We may be numbing or distracting ourselves. We run away from the fear by working, eating, sedating ourselves with drugs or alcohol, or using social media for hours.

But the more we ignore it, the bigger the monster becomes, so instead of running from your fear, face it head on. It doesn’t mean you have to conquer it, just be with it. What does it need from you? If the fear has a message for you, what’s the message? Can you trust yourself to sit with it rather than run? Tell yourself you are safe, and that everything is OK. Be a reassuring voice to yourself.

As you will hear in the call, Suzanne’s sense of self, and ability to feel safe regardless of external conditions, wasn’t developed, so she didn’t feel safe when she was outside of her home.

Like many of us, Suzanne said she understood my coaching intellectually but she still found it hard to shift in the moment. But, it’s the follow-through that matters.

That’s why I designed my Inner Circle membership community to focus on a certain quality every month. We focus on moving something from awareness into integration. So change actually happens. It’s more than learning concepts, you learn to integrate what you are learning into your life.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you worry a lot? Do you have a tendency to imagine worst-case scenarios, or have a habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop?
  • Do you think that preparing for the worst protects you from being disappointed?
  • Did something challenging, traumatic or catastrophic happen to you as a kid, so you live with nervous anticipation that something bad will happen again?
  • How are you soothing yourself when you go into fear, anxiety, or panic? Are you able to calm yourself down? What are your coping mechanisms?

Suzanne’s Question:

Suzanne wants to know how to take action when she feels crippled by anxiety.

Suzanne’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is a catastrophic thinker.
  • She doesn’t deal with losses well.
  • She didn’t feel emotionally safe as a child.
  • She had an eating disorder in college.
  • She surrounds herself with mentally stable people.
  • She tries to put her emotional health first.
  • She practices negative self-talk.
  • She seeks reassurance from outside herself.
  • She lets her mind run the show.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should find a new way to relate to herself to get a consistent experience.
  • She needs to acknowledge when she is in the midst of catastrophic thinking, and practice self-soothing techniques.
  • She should do the Release Writing exercise from Expectation Hangover.
  • She should practice Kundalini shaking to get rid her nervous energy.
  • She should start owning who she is, what she feels and what she loves about herself.


  • Find a way to self-soothe, read “My Best Tips for Reducing Anxiety” about calming yourself down and dealing with anxiety.
  • Make sure your sense of self is not externally referenced. Look at where you are projecting a feeling of safety. Do you feel like you need to get it from an outside source?
  • Imagine your best-case scenarios — instead of using your imagination to imagine things all the things you don’t want, imagine all the things you do want.
  • The Future Forecasting exercise in Expectation Hangover is a great way to start visioning your best-case scenarios.
  • Allow yourself to get excited about things!


Christine Hassler

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Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

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